SAINT CLUB CHRISTMAS LETTER 1982

My beloved but worthless morsels of fodder for Space Invaders:

As you look forward to another Christmas season of compulsory goodwill, among the horrors looming before you must always be the imminent arrival of this reminder from me of the obligation you have incurred by the idiotic act of joining the Saint Club, to cough up yet another year's dues and/or donations.

Believe me, this can fill you with no more gloom than afflicts me when I am confronted with the obligation of writing to you about it. In fact, so much do I detest this task that this year I have put it off well beyond the usual deadline, as all optimistic procrastinators do tend to put off unpleasant jobs, in the forlorn hope that if postponed long enough they will go away, or get done by themselves, or be rendered unnecessary by the end of the world.

A vain deluded hope. Even though I have outwaited my deadline as long as this, I have not been vouchsafed the joyous news that all your contributions have already flooded in, without any pleading or prodding, or that the so frequently forecast end of the world has terminated any further need for the Arbour Youth Centre to carry on the good work which has for so long been aided by the pennies we succeed in gouging out of your tightly zippered pokes.

Paltry as these amounts may individually be, in the aggregate they have always added up like grains of sand to enough to throw a little perceptible weight into the Arbour's balance of payments, as you can see from the Hon Sec's annual report. And the requirements for the coming year are not expected to be any less.

No doubt we shall be hearing the inevitable bleats about the hardships you are suffering from recession and inflation. We recognize these excuses as the spurious pleas they are. If there are millions of unemployed, it only means that there are millions of potential suckers walking the streets with dole money in their pockets waiting for you to pick them. So we cannot accept your indolence as an alibi for not paying for your membership in such a distinguished association as we once rashly permitted you to join.

So now, even belatedly, will you kindly waste no more time sending us the money which we misguidedly expected to have received already. If you post it quickly enough, you will actually save money, since the cost of a stamp will certainly be going up again next year. How can you ignore a bargain like that?

With which, my miserable misfits, I wish you yet another frightful Festive Season.